Sometimes I hate self-care.
Social media portrays self-care as fun and cozy. And it can be. But self-care is sometimes not at all pleasant. At least not in a given moment. Ever been in the middle of a tough workout and wondered what the hell you are doing this for? How about giving up caffeine or alcohol? Or healing from burnout and severe anxiety?
Yes, self-care includes lovely things like walks in nature, spa days, and relaxing to music or a good book.
But it can be hard. Maybe it is hard to go out for a walk because of a chronic illness or condition. Have you ever been to a physical therapist? They mean well, but the sessions can feel a bit rough. How about a deep tissue massage? I never find those pleasant in the moment, but they feel good afterward. And let’s talk about talk therapy for a moment. A swirl of emotions, memories, and traumas arises. As we work through them, it can be eye-opening and healing. Yet, it’s not wonderful when you’re in the midst of it.
Here’s the harsh truth.
If we don't take care of ourselves, no one else is going to do it. Sure, we can get support from loved ones, hire professionals to provide their expert knowledge and services, and make sure to add self-care into our weekly schedules.
But if we don’t show up and follow up, it doesn’t do us any good. And let’s face it, we don’t always want to do things that are hard. Life is hard enough.
At the time of this writing, I’ve been off caffeine for over two months. That’s the longest I’ve ever gone without coffee in particular in my adult life. And it sucks. Or at least it did for a while.
Even when it’s not pleasant, there is a case to be as gentle as we can to ourselves. Before I gave up coffee, I was drinking half-caf. I also cut to one cup per day versus the two or three.
Sometimes we can ease into the difficult ones.
For example:
I have a goal to walk for 20 to 30 minutes per day. Instead of expecting to jump right in, I started with 10 minutes.
Instead of a new 60-minute workout, try 15 minutes of stretching.
Trying to start a meditation practice? Start with deep breathing for give minutes. Use an app that helps guide you. I like Headspace and Calm but there a lot of others.
Self-care might mean subtracting something from our lives. Or we add a new habit or routine.
Keep in mind what is easy or helpful is relative to an individual. Perhaps you would have had no problem cutting out caffeine. I would then think you’re a superhuman which is super cool.
Self-care is a practice of self-compassion and an act of love. We are quick to tell someone to “take care of yourself; get some rest!.” How often do you say that to yourself? Or perhaps the question should be, how often do you listen?
Let’s be clear. This is not about shaming ourselves into doing something (or not doing something). That’s the opposite of self-compassion. We are deserving. We need to practice all types of self-care: physical, emotional, mental, financial, and spiritual.
You know the whole oxygen mask thing? On an airplane, if needed, we must put on our oxygen masks before anyone else, even our children.
Too often we are putting a lot of masks on others while we are suffering. We can care for others by attending to our health. Why are we suffocating ourselves?
Self-care is integral in the RICH Life Framework. And we, the self, is at the core.
So I don’t hate self-care in general. I love it for you and me, all of us. We have to recognize though that self-care is not always fun or relaxing. Sometimes it’s hard work. Changing habits is hard for a lot of us, for a lot of reasons.
The challenge is not to be perfect—it is to be whole.” — Jane Fonda
As Jane Fonda reminds us, we strive to be our whole selves. What steps can you take today or this week to tap into your whole, true self?